damik's Diaryland Diary

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Just a little more.

If you read my last entry you know that Trevor read my diary. He read it Saturday night. There is an entry here I desperatly want to write, but I can't because I don't want him to read it. I have been toying with the idea of just not writing here anymore. The whole point of me putting my feelings here was the freedom to express myself with out the fear of what he would say, or how he would feel. And he has taken that away from me. So I had to point by point, entry by entry, justify my self. I know I keep using that word, justify, but that is what he makes me do. For lack of better ways to put it.

"The guy at work" lets call him Andrew. (After the Andrew of Diaryland, because I really like that guy. The Andrew of Diaryland not "the guy at work". But I'm getting off the subject.) Andrew and I talked for some time. Longer then we should have I suppose. I really like to talk to him, he's so clear headed. But he got me thinking, he said I should try to write like I have always wanted to. Maybe I should try to acheive the dreams I have disregarded. For so long now I have been told I can't. If it interfers with other people's plans my dreams are stupid. Did I write about the time I had an appointment to see an agent and Trevor told me that I would never suceede, so I shouldn't bother. And he shouldn't have to give me a ride. Did I ever write how I had started writing a story? But Andrew told me I should write a book. He said he would illastrate it if I did.

Then I think thats just silly, I can't be a writer. I can't spell, I have horribale grammer. The problem with dreams is that they hurt too much. You know the metaphore I wrote a while ago, about shooting for the moon? Well it seems to me when I shoot for the moon and miss it ends up rickoshaing and hitting me in the foot. Or worse.

He signed my guestbook though, the one from Trevor is him, and he actully put his real email adress which suprised me. I just thought that was an interesting side note.

11:29 p.m. - 07-01-2001
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