damik's Diaryland Diary

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An unfinished thought

It might take me longer then it takes other people. I think I might have been hit with the full on impact of what I might have done today. I wouldn't have ruined his life because he's a strong man and could learn to move on, but I would have scarred him deeply.

He might not be burdened with other people's guilt but he might be plagued with the whys and what-could-I-have-dones.

I didn't just do this to myself, I did it to everyone I love, too. It doesn't matter that I didn't want to kill myself, it matters how close I came. Everybody who loves me is nervous and they have every reason to be because of how quickly and how quietly it came on. If I don't talk about how I'm suffering, if I put on a false face day in and day out, then what seems to me as inevitable is out of the blue to them.

If I don't talk about how I'm suffering then I will keep suffering- in silence.

11:26 a.m. - 07-25-09
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I hate this game. I don't want to play anymore. - 2:59 p.m. , 05-29-13