damik's Diaryland Diary

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I don't know where to lay the blame

OK, this has nothing to do with my writing. My book is just a casualty to what I'm feeling.

Will saw it before I did. I wasn't feeling 100% last night and I thought it was just frustration about the constant blab of politics that I was getting at the write-in I had just been at.

That was the excuse I went with.

Today I am far separated from the useless coffee shop debates. I'm still feeling wound up and upset. My writing is falling victim to this. I am totally hating everything I have written and I just want to give up.

My work is falling victim to this, too. I have an assignment tomorrow and I just want to back out. I don't want to do it. I don't think I can. I'm not good enough.

What the fuck am I doing? How do I shake this?

The solution my irrational side of me is giving is to hurt myself. Why am I thinking about that? I need to find a better solution so that cutting isn't the first thing that comes to my mind.

It isn't the only thing that comes to my mind though. The irrational side of me is also encouraging me to take all my available Ativan. It knows that it isn't near enough to kill me, but it might be enough to put me in a realm of "I don't care" for a few hours.

I should be able to find that by non-chemical means. I go over my list, but nothing seems engaging enough.

So that's where I am. I don't know why. I have no reasons. I'm still searching for positive solutions. Is crawling back into bed a positive solution?

12:39 p.m. - 11-07-12
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