damik's Diaryland Diary

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Making Friends with Shadows on my Wall

Voice: Cut.
Me: Shhhh.
Voice: I want to see blood.
Me: No.
Voice: Blood. I want to see blood.
Me: (resigned) I do.
Voice: Then cut.
Me: I'm not going to.
Me to myself: This will pass. Like clouds in the sky. You can't change the waves, but you can learn to surf.
Voice: Cutting is your way of surfing.
Me: Like clouds in the sky. You know, I mostly ignore clouds in the sky.
Voice: I can be louder than all your other thoughts. CUT.
Me: Pet the kitty. Kitties are soft. Kitties are nice.
Voice: You could make the kitty bleed.
Me: I will not cut to satiate your need for blood.
Voice: I will go away if you cut.
Me: No you won't. And I already hurt enough, I don't need to cut.
Voice: But if you cut you'll have a reason for your pain.
Me: *Flipping through my DBT folder* I can put something else in my head.
Voice: You can't win. Cut. See the blood, play with the blood.
Me: ABCDEFGHIJK-
Voice: CUT
Me: I can play my music louder than you could ever talk. Just go away. Here try some Zyprexa.
Voice: (I don't know maybe it said something through the Matchbox Twenty. I'm not really sure.)

3:48 p.m. - 11-14-12
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older entries:

When. I called when! - 11:27 p.m. , 10-07-13

Intrusive - 3:31 p.m. , 09-12-13

It isn't working today. - 2:21 p.m. , 09-09-13

Sleep, SI, Stress, and Pain, yeah, I hit them all. - 4:46 p.m. , 08-09-13

I hate this game. I don't want to play anymore. - 2:59 p.m. , 05-29-13