damik's Diaryland Diary

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Sleep, SI, Stress, and Pain, yeah, I hit them all.

I slept in really late this morning. I mean really late. In all fairness though I woke up in the middle of the night and had the hardest time falling back to sleep. I hate that type of insomnia because most people don't understand, they are all like 'but you went to bed on time, why are you so sleepy?". I've glanced at my school work today, like I did yesterday. On the face of things I'm on track, but I have to get started writing my paper or I'm going to be scrambling to get it finished on time. To do that I actually have to read the research. Ugh. I don't know if I started on a bad article or they are all going to be like it, but this one I'm trying to read is sure heavy.
And I'm getting frustrated with myself. With that the thoughts come sneaking in. I should hurt myself. Because that's the solution when things aren't going like they should. I thought maybe it was because I wasn't taking my medication like I should. (I ran out, I wasn't being non-compliant.) And it's only been two days since I was back on my full doses, so maybe I'm just getting impatient. Thursday will be 100 days without SI and I think maybe I should do something special that day. I don't know, Monday was three months and I didn't do anything special then. Maybe I should just keep the little victories to myself.
I am supposed to be cleaning today, and I started, but I hurt so bad that I can only do it in little chunks. :( Why do I have to hurt so bad? The whole of my right side just aches so much. (Typing hurts, too.) I would pillage, maim, and murder for relief.

4:46 p.m. - 08-09-13
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