damik's Diaryland Diary


Why the Counter

I feel like I have to respond to the "random stranger" comment, though I've responded to this question like a million times. This time I'll add a link under the counter to point people here or some shit.
Ok, the fact that I'm even writing this goes against my whole point, but fuck it, sometimes I contradict myself. Everyone does, get used to it or go live in a cave.
Everything in this diary is written for me, there have been times when I've watched what I've written with other readers in mind, but I don't do that anymore. That ruins the point.
I have had my struggles with myself, I need to see where I have been, I need to feel like I'm improving.
Cutting is a behavior I want to stop. I want to find more positive, less harmful ways to react. I set small goals for myself. I used to every ten days buy myself a little shirt as a reward. When I hit 100 days for the first time in forever I got a tattoo.
The best way I can explain it is like the tokens they give out at AA. Its what I hold onto when I feel myself slipping, when I get the desire I go back to my sight and see its been 21 days 11 hours and 17 mins. I can hold on that way.
Just because I allow strangers to my read diary doesn't mean I don't consider it private. Everything on my diary is for me, either because I wanted to see if I could do it, or it entertained me, or it reflected me somehow, or it helps me acheive a goal.
I don't consider my readers, I don't write for them and I don't post the counter for them either.
I know this contradicts that, but even this is really for me, because I hope it puts an end to that annoyingly stupid question.

10:45 a.m. - 08-18-03


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older entries:

When. I called when! - 11:27 p.m. , 10-07-13

Intrusive - 3:31 p.m. , 09-12-13

It isn't working today. - 2:21 p.m. , 09-09-13

Sleep, SI, Stress, and Pain, yeah, I hit them all. - 4:46 p.m. , 08-09-13

I hate this game. I don't want to play anymore. - 2:59 p.m. , 05-29-13