Comments:

TheFairlaner (or Will if you prefer :-) - 2003-05-18 23:23:53
I care about how you're feeling or whats on your mind because you're my value. But I mentioned that to you earlier and you said you weren't sure why you were a value. I told you I'd have an easier time explaining it in writing, so here it is. Because you're intelligent. I can talk to you and listen to what you have to say for hours with no boredom. Because when we discuss the things you've mentioned in this post, I see your mind working it out and fighting it. Because your were smart enough to ignore the tendency not to want to lean...and lean when you needed it. Because you're strong. 57 days away from a behavior thats far more addictive than my smoking. Hell, I haven't managed to quit. You're ability to cope is more inspiring than you realize. Because you're beautiful. I love waking up and seeing your face or the line of your back in the morning. Because I've been there, done that. In different ways and for different reasons, but if I could get through, so can you. What one person can do another can do. Because you say you've lost the ability to trust but it was me you came to when you needed someone to lean on. So lean. I've already told you I don't scare easily. I'm also hard to break. Because you take responsibility for your own life and happiness. Theres no trace of the victim mentality in you. Although, as we talked about over one particular incident, sometimes you take responsibility for the actions of others. Don't. The flip side of taking responsibility for yourself is NOT taking responsibility for the vile actions of others. And when you have one of those small victories, like I know you will 2 days from now (its been 58 days :-), take them as your own. Be proud of it. Your actions are your own...including those for the good. Because when I answered your calls and ignored my friends to talk to you and distract you, it wasn't your weakness I was answering. I was answering your strength. Think of the soldier in "To Fly"...that was my cameo, remember? I'll support you to what extent I can for the day when you won't need it. Your goals...all of them you told me about...are rational, valid and acheivable. I can't wait for the day when your face lights up from the reflection of an acheivment that will be your own. You want a definition of glory? Thats it. Your intelligent. Strong. Displaying an ambitiousness that you don't yet recognize as ambition. How can I not be attracted to that? Everything I've learned and grown to admire over the span of my life is programmed to respond to it. I told you I won't save you. That the white knight needs victims just as does the beater. Let me take that one step further. You don't need me to save you. You'll get it done. And that is more attractive than anything else I can imagine.
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