damik's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More talking, nudeness, running, Sam, the mountians, and weight loss.

I don't know how today went, we talked about how I hate that he puts profiles up looking for women. And he told me how he hates it that I'm so conservative in bed. We talked a lot about what we want to change, but we didn't talk about how we were going to go about changing it.

I hate how I look undressed. I can look O.K. when I'm dressed. I don't look as overweight as I am. But naked, I don't look good. I want to do something to lose weight and look better. I want to get back to my pre-Trevor weight. I keep telling myself that I'm going to start running again, but then I do for a couple days and quit. Before I met Trevor I was running seven miles a day, and I was fit. I want to get back to that.

Maybe I should try the visualization stuff I learned in my Psyc. class. Here goes 'I see myself running six days a week and not giving up.'

Don't think it will work though. Trevor's brother, lets call him... Sam came over today. I really like Sam. I'd say he's like the brother I never had, but I have a brother. But if I could wish for another brother it would be him. Maybe not a brother. But I'm glad he's in my life. He is the closest thing to a person I can talk to that I have. I have been entertaining the notion of trying to talk with him about my problems, but I don't want to speak ill of his older brother to him. I love how we can joke and have fun. I miss that he can't visit more often.

I wish he didn't have to go to school tomorrow, we could hangout more.

Trevor and I went to the mountains and had a picnic. And to see if spicing up our intimate life would help, we got 'busy' up in the mountains.

It frightens me some of the measures I've considered to lose weight. I have enough problems in my life, I don't think I need to add some kind of weight loss disorder to my list.

I just need to curb my snacking, I have this awful habit of eating when I'm board, anxious, sad, happy, scared, nervous, calm, awake, breathing, etc. And I just need some moderation.

Forget the ipecac syrup.

11:43 p.m. - 05-24-2001
0 comments

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next