damik's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pain I went cloths shopping today. Not good for the fragile ego. 5:19 p.m. - 04-27-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pain I wear my pain like a badge on my arm. Screaming for the world to see. To care. When I say that I don't do it for attention thats not entiarly true. For the most part yes, I do it for myself. For the control I get. For the power I have. For the same reasons I manipulated some of the abuse I had in my past. Because I need to not be helpless. But on another level I want people to notice. I don't want to be told I'm stupid. I don't want to be told I'm a freak. I want to feel like I matter. I want to feel like some one cares. I don't wat to feel so alone. So I wear my pain like a badge on my arm. For all the world to see. But no one notices. The scars are undeniably purpousful. And yet somehow poeple will still believe. It was a cat. It was a prickly bush. It was whatever. I could probably say I was cutin some sort of bazaar alien ritual and some people will accept it. And some times I'm glad the do. Sometimes I'm glad they do. Sometimes its a great relief to me. But some times I wonder why. I don't understand how people can be so accepting. Why they don't say hay, wait a minute. 1:29 p.m. - 07-14-2001 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't cut myself in:
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