damik's Diaryland Diary

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It's not like I really did believe any different

So, I'm torn between the desire to sleep on the couch and the desire to have a comfortable night sleep.
It's not that I'm really mad a Trever, so much as I'm deeply hurt.
I have certian core beliefs that I've fought against believeing. Things that feel so true, but, I know or I aught to know that they aren't.
One of them is that it wasn't my fault. It should be my new mantra, I should repeat it over and over no matter how much I think it's false or how much it hurts to say it, it wasn't my fault.
One of the other's is that the only thing I'm good for is sex. That nobody would even give me a second glance besides as a means to cum. I'm not the kind of girl you would like a long term relationship with, not the kind of girl you would bring to hang out with friends. I'm good for a dirty, little boink and off you go. And I'll never be worth anymore then that, which is sad, because I'm probably no good at it. Though I suppose I'm better then something you have to inflate, and cheaper then a hooker so everyone has an upside.
So that's two of them, two core beliefs that I've fought against. Two stones to help me drown.
So I told Trevor about the Drunken guys last night and in one foul swoop he confirmed both of them. I deserve what I get because I lead men on and there is no way in hell the were intrested in anything more then a tumble.

11:02 p.m. - 02-12-03
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