damik's Diaryland Diary

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Deals, houses, and psyco talk

I made myself a deal; I wouldn't have to where long sleeved shirts for the rest of the summer. I think maybe I have been better at resisting the impulse, but I do seem to have more impulses to cut myself. I don't know why. I usually feel much better in the summer. I had a great day today, though. We went to Trevor's family's house for a mothers day bbq.

His uncle was trying to psycho analyze me. Trying to find out the reason I don't stand up for myself. I tryed to tell him it just isn't worth the effort, but he seems to think its much deeper than that.

I had a good day at work too. We went for a drive; I looked at all the houses that should have been mine. Though houses is kind of an understatement. They were mansions. Freaking castles. It makes me wistful for the things I'll never have.

I hate not knowing what I am going to do with my life. I want a plan. I want something to work for. I have no goals; I don't know what I want. If some one out there could tell me, I would listen I promise. I've been feeling sick all weekend. My stomach is all icky. I don't know why. It's like all my insides are knotted up and I feel nauseous. I just want to curl up in my bed in a fetal position and sulk. I just hate not feeling well. I wish I could find out why I am feeling so icky. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

9:48 p.m. - 05-13-2001
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