damik's Diaryland Diary

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O.K.?

I'm going crazy. I don't know what to do. I have been wandering around the house trying to find some thing to do with my self.

I haven't picked up a razor, but I keep looking at my wrists and thinking, maybe they can use a few cuts. I haven't done anything. I look in to my medicine cabinet to see if there is something in there that I can take to make me feel better. But, because I know I have a thing about self medicating I don't keep anything on hand. We have some Tylenol but I won't even touch that. I want to get these thoughts out of my head. They creep in there and I don't know what to do with them. The idea came in to go see my druggie neighbors see if they can hook me up. I don't even like the looks of that on the screen. I hated that thought to begin with and to put it down. Its ugly.

That�s what my rational side says anyway. That other side likes it. That other side keeps toying with the idea.

I have so many things I want to say, but I just cannot write them, I don't know the words. I don't know how to phrase it right. Why do I get like this? Wasn't it just a few days ago I thought I was going to be O.K.?

9:02 p.m. - 05-30-2001
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