damik's Diaryland Diary

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Boy oh boy, boyfriend troubles

My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot, and lately I have been trying to maintain the attitude that I don't want to deliberately hurt him. But today I just tore into him. I had to be to work at 9:00am today, his job has the flexibility that he can very his hours from about two hours before and three hours after his scheduled time, so he has a difficult time being conscious to the fact that I have a strict, set schedule that I have to, have to adhere to. So this isn't the first time he has put me to the back of his mind and made me late. But I got real upset. I regret many of the things I said to him. Then I did what he has been doing to me lately and I didn't apologies to him. I don't know if it really did make me feel better, but it seemed to give me a since of vindication.

At my work today, I kind of wanted some one to catch my cuts. I wanted the fact that I was wearing a long sleeved shirt to raise red flags or something. I know I would be angry and embarrassed if anyone did notice them, but I want someone to show their concern. I hate how my boyfriend ridicules me for cutting when he notices. He belittles me for it, tells me how stupid and weak I am. That may have worked in the past, but now it seems to make me want to do it more, and try harder to hide it from him.

12:02 a.m. - 04-27-2001
1 comments

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