damik's Diaryland Diary

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I Need a Buddy

Don't think my recent diary neglect has anything to do with me being lazy or not having any thing to write. Unfortunatly each time I've logged on to write it has coinsided with the down time on diaryland, a frusterating spot of bad luck. I've been trying to keep my self busy. I can't believe it's Friday again.
Here's a philosophical question for ya: Do you think it's fundamentally wrong to browse pro-anorexia websites while eating a big bowl of icecream that I have no intention of ever purging?
Just seems wrong to me.
There was a time that I considered the idea of restricting my eating, or throwing up after I ate. I know I'm overweight. I know that the foods I eat aren't exactly conductive of a low weight life style. My problem is I still eat the same way I did when I was exercising regularly. I wouldn't have gained the extra "padding" if I hadn't stopped exercising.
I don't remember what show I was watching, but the message was essentually that certian things maybe hard but worth doing or something like that. I need to remember that when I'm running. I have fallen shamefully behind in my marathon training, and I haven't found a race to run in yet. Truth be told, I haven't looked for a race.
People judge me. I feel it, I'm sure when I go out running people who see me, this chunky girl running, think to themselves run faster lardass, you'll never burn it off at that rate.
Or I'm just parinoid.
Or searching for excuses.
I used to love running. But one of the things I think I loved most is the comradory of the track team. We had pasta partys before the big races. We laughed, and streched, and hung out togeather. I don't get that running alone. I need a running buddy.

9:57 p.m. - 02-14-02
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