damik's Diaryland Diary
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Death Wish
It goes over me like a tidal wave I'm not writing this to explain why I want to hurt myself, but rather why I'm going to to hurt myself. Though I really don't understand the reasons becides this overwhelming need to cut myself. I find this need to get the razor, to cut and bleed. Now mind you I don' twant to die but I want to cut deeper then I have before. I try to resist, I put it out of my mind but it doesn't work, so tonight I'm going to give in. Tonight I'm going to pull out my razor and welcome the pain. I'm such a failure. I want to stop, I'm sure I do. I want to be strong enough, but I want to hurt. I want to be alone and cut deeply into my arm.
Ok, so I was wrong, I do want to die. If I could get access to the church of euthanisia again I would like to print up some of their helpfull sugestions. Which way would be the best for me do you think? I know I don't have the strenght to cut deep enough, and pills won't work either. I think the idea I like best is carbon manoxid poisining. No mess to clean up afterwards.
3:08 p.m. - 12-07-01
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older entries: When. I called when! - 11:27 p.m. , 10-07-13 Intrusive - 3:31 p.m. , 09-12-13 It isn't working today. - 2:21 p.m. , 09-09-13 Sleep, SI, Stress, and Pain, yeah, I hit them all. - 4:46 p.m. , 08-09-13 I hate this game. I don't want to play anymore. - 2:59 p.m. , 05-29-13 |
