damik's Diaryland Diary

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I know he'll hurt me if I let him

I rode on a motercycle for the first time in my life today. It was fun. The night air was kind of chilly, but other then that it was great.
Yes, it was yet another some guy from the bar. But unlike Colin, this guy I'm sure, if I gave him enough time, would hurt me. Deeply.
See this, this is me not caring.
I gave him my number, I'm sure he'll give me a call.
I was trying to fix my hair in the car on the way home. I now understand the phrase "wind swept" I had used so many pins, I thought my hair was going no where. I hadn't planned on a bike. Then I decided fuck it. My neighbors already think I'm a slut, I'll come home at 2:30 all tousled.
I am a slut anyhow, I was all getting phyical in the park. Just being there, hell, it brought back strong feelings. Then there were times when he was so persistant, that I was worried he wouldn't take my no. Of course I'm sure most of it was the park. But, hell, once again, I would have deserved it for leading him on and putting myself in that position.
Whats evil of me is that after he dropped me off at my car I considered calling Colin to see if I could stay there over night.
Have I mentioned yet that he feels so safe? That when I'm in his arms I feel like no one would ever hurt me?
He's a wonderful friend to have.

2:40 a.m. - 03-15-03
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