damik's Diaryland Diary

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Joining the Prozac Nation

So I've been put on Prozac. It's a good thing right? Or it could be...
I got scared, each year I worry that I won't make it through the winter. This year I worried even more, because I didn't care. Started thinking that it would be a good thing if I didn't make it. But I wasn't so far gone not to realize that I may be too far gone. The self-preservationalest in me isn't dead yet. I didn't want it. I didn't want to have to be on something to get by. I look at thoes little pills and I feel like a failure. Like I should have been able to do it on my own.
And yet I asked for it.
I'm sacred of drugs. I don't want to lose myself, I don't want to become some kind of zombie or someone I don't recognise. I don't want to lose myself. Maybe I already had.
I want to take the bottle and hide it in a drawer somewhere. Did I make a mistake? Am I really the kind of person who needs medication to function? I wanted to be strong. I feel like an idiot for even going to the Dr.'s in the first place. I feel like an idiot for even thinking it was a good idea.

8:45 p.m. - 10-23-02
2 comments

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