damik's Diaryland Diary

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I've lost the key

I think I'm sabotoging my therepy. I do it with everything in my life, I've ranted a bit about it here. And it's even been pointed out to me via email. (Hi, Rebecca!) There are truely two Danie's. The honest one, and the one I allow people in my life to see. It's not necessarally a bad thing, except when I'm paying for some one to help me through my issues, but won't talk about them when I get there. There are so many things I would talk to him about. How I spent all Monday and some of Tuesday starving my self. How I spent a good chunk of Tuesday in the closet crying. How Wensday I had to force myself out of bed and couldn't stop wondering how many Lortabs it would take to kill myself. Or how Monday I will be a complete basket case freaking out because I don't want to start another job. I don't tell him any of this, while I do share with him things I would normally keep to myself I never venture to near to the edge, I stay 'safe'. Major issues in my life, and I mean MAJOR issues I've never shared with him. And I don't really know how to stop. I don't know if I can open up in any real and meaningful way. Am I just wasting my time and money?

10:37 p.m. - 07-25-02
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