damik's Diaryland Diary

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Sometimes Ups out number the Downs

I hung out with Bruce yesterday, it had been a long time, since he blew me off for the rave, since Trever go so angry and jelouse. I thought Trevor was going to be peeved at me going to see him. But he didn't seem to care.
OK, it's not going to be even a few entries untill I justify.
It's all a matter of preception, and I hurt him as much as he hurts me. When he was still writing his diary regularly, and didn't have it locked, he'd often get messages telling him I was a bitch and he should dump me for someone better. That I was controlling and manipulative. Some of the better ones were:
"Sometimes its better to be alone than with someone that you are not completly sure about."
"This is probablly not my business, but what Danie is doing is manipulative, and achieves exactly what she wants it to, making you feel bad. I'm not being ugly, I'm sure she's a very nice girl, but it seems like she has issues with controling you by any means necessary. Be carefull, my friend."
Well, I guess he deleted the particularly nasty ones, but It does get my point across, just seeing things from my point of view, you miss out on the whole other half of the picture.
Like the fact I knew he didn't really want to go, but I kind of pouted him into it. Like he had a headach and had to go into work early.
I'm as selfish as he is, if not more, and I act like a baby. Ah, reading his guestbook again brought back memories of why I didn't like the majoritey of his readers, those presumptuous jerks. (Not really, I just hated each time they wrote him and said my cutting was because I wanted attention, or I was maniupulating him.)
I'm feeling so empty today. Did I alreayd say that? Or did I just mean to have said that already? I can imagin what a balloon must feel like when it's deflated.
I can mail off my first poetry contest entry now, but, sadly, I've kind of lost the ambition.

3:01 p.m. - 09-01-02
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