damik's Diaryland Diary

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What's the Price I Might Pay?

I'm sucking bottom lately. Must find a way to pull myself out of this funk.
More and more when I look in the mirror, I see the fat girl I can't stand. And I have to convince myself to eat. I'm sitting here, I haven't eaten since I had some cheestoes yesterday morning, thinking I could probably go all of today without eating, no willpower involved. I could test myself see how long I can go. Three days maybe, four. I could set goals. I could test my limits. It's a dangerous line I tread. I have to remind myself that starvation doesn't really work, I list in my head the facts, that not eating will cause my body to store extra fat when I do eat that my weight will increase in such a way that makes not eating not worth it. That with exorcise and a balanced diet I will maintain a gradual weight loss that's healthy and won't cause harm to my body.
It doesn't work.
Not only do I want to cause harm to my body, but I often don't listen to words of reason, I often don't care. It's getting harder and harder to convince myself that starving isn't worth it. I could give up food to look beautiful.

3:18 p.m. - 06-29-02
4 comments

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