damik's Diaryland Diary

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A tattoo maybe?

Well I did get the job, and I accepted it. I start next Tuesday. Yipee for me, I guess.
I have been indulging in self destructive thoughts all day. Not just the minor ones where I recall so much blood running down my arm the last time I hurt myself. And I didn't have a paper towel to catch it so I just scraped the blood on to the ground with a business card. And thinking back on it laughing at how ironic it would have been if I had used Dr. Tom's business card instead of my work one. But the dark, lonesome thoughts of suicide. How it will never get any better. How I will always be this fat, ugly, unlovable person.
I think about saying good bye to everyone.
I don't really know what to say, except that I'm afraid that it really is too hard. And maybe I shouldn't try anymore.
Then I wonder how many Lortabs it would take to kill me because I haven't gotten the tank yet. Or if I could overdose on penicillan.
I've been actully thinking about getting a tattoo

11:28 p.m. - 07-23-02
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