damik's Diaryland Diary

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Well its my birthday now. The big 20. I'm no longer a teenager. Which isn't saying much, I'm older then my mother ever was. I was just browsing about some of the other diaries. One of the ones I looked at was from an religious fanatic. And because of that and the fact it was snowing got me to thinking about God.

Some people I know would think I don't believe in God. I don't attend church, and some times it seems I don't have the moral standards to be a believer.

God and I have a strange relationship. There was a time in my darkest depression when I didn't believe. Then my brother just learning to talk in sentences told me he remembered God and being in heaven. This from a boy who was never, and I mean never, exposed to the concept of God from his family. Sometimes you just have to believe.

Not that I never doubted again. To illustrate my relationship with God I may have to wander the plane a bit...

Did you know that snowflakes scream when they fall? Its true, I read it someplace. As they flutter to the ground they emit a high-pitched scream as they flutter to the ground. So high in fact that only sensitive equipment and certain birds can hear the sound. When it snows I feel closer to God. I close my eyes and try to hear them. As if each flake has a message. I view them each as individual flakes, as themselves, not just a piece of the whole. And I think if something so beautiful and so silent as snow can actually be screaming, why can't there be a God. Snow is my connection to God.

But I hate the snow. I hate the cold, I hate the wet. Every year my Birthday Wish is to have no snow 'till after my birthday. I don't really know where that leaves me with God. I love the snow as it's falling, but when it's on the ground I just want it to go away.

I also don't believe God is in heaven. I think God is in everything. The air we breath, the ground we walk on there is God. Every Atom is God. Every person you have ever met or will meet has God inside them. Sinners and Saints alike. I don't believe in going to church, I think it�s to corrupt. I think everyday you wake up, your life is the church, and everyday is a prayer.

07:30:48 - 01-30-2001
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