damik's Diaryland Diary

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Questions.

I think I should give our relationship more of a chance. I have decided not to be so cold and distant to him. I will open up, and try to work thngs out. I have to believe that we will work things out. I don't know if I really can do it, but I'm going to have to try. I don't want to be the one who ended this relatinship because I gave up. I don't want it to be my fault. Thats not the only reason, I can't put into words what I want to say, I believe in my heart that this will work.

I don't know if I really do, even as I am typing the words they seem hollow and phoney to me. I am sitting here torturing myself with love songs. He tells me there are guys out there that are better for me, maybe thats true. Maybe I should go out and experence more.

My step-mom told me that I'm too young to be in a comited relationship now. Maybe thats true. I don't know. I feel so confused, I wish you kind reader would respond more with advice, because I'm hopelessly lost. Should I hold out hope that it will get better, or should I give up now? Should I be content with the relationship we have now, or should I hold out for something better?

And is 20 too young to be comited? Am I too immature to be in such a relationship? Was the four years I gave to this relationship a waste of time? If it wasn't going to work out what was the point of commiting myself to this?

I was 16 when we met, because of him I didn't go to my prom, because of him I never dated around in high school. I'll let you in on a little sceret for you to take into consideration if you were to respond to any of my questions.... I'm starting college in the fall, and I kinda liked the idea of being free, of being able to explore new relationships while I'm going to school. Is that wrong of me?

I don't know what to do here, I don't know what I really want to happen.

I never wanted to picture my future without him, but now I am, and it maybe doesn't seem so bad. Have I already left this relationship? Is it already over? Can I make it work? Should I make it work? Why don't I know what I want?

11:45 a.m. - 06-26-2001
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