damik's Diaryland Diary

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Saturday night

He read my diary.

I had hoped that he would have respected me enough not to. I hate having to justify my feelings, my words to him. But he makes me.

Part of me is terrified to be by myself, but then when I think about it, the idea I like the most is my own little apt. Having my living room the way I want it. Having my books out on a shelf not hidden away in a drawer. I could finally pull my colectables out of the boxes. The furniture I want. Where I want. The ability to go with friends with out having to ask permission. Not having to justify myself. Not having to ask permission. I think what it really comes down to is owning myself. There hasn't been a day in my life that I have been my own person.

But then I think of my life without him. But then I don't want to think of my life without him.He has been such a big part of me for so long now. Even our friends think its inconceveable for us not to be an us. This is what I fought for. Isn't this what I always wanted? Me and him togeather? Him and me?

Maybe what I want is the freedom to be me while we are togeather.

11:21 p.m. - 07-01-2001
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