damik's Diaryland Diary

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Only a fool jumps in with both feet

So I do this thing where I jump right in with two feet. I don't even think about it, when I get an idea in my head, I just run and jump right in. Now I don't always do it, and its not always a bad thing, but it is what I do. Like the whole writing issue. I have decided despite what some people might think I am still going to write, and so yesterday and today I went all wild and crazy joining all sorts of collabs for my other diary Poa-tess. I've already finished two of the "projects" and I'm well on my way to finishing the third. I'm actully quite proud of myself. So if you ever check out Poa-tess, expect to see new postings soon.

He bruised me today. We got in a fight. I guess I started it, but it wasn't intentional. He bought a new file cabnit. Changed my computer desk all around, I guess he was quite proud of what he had done. I liked it, too, except for one thing, no desk space. Its dumb, we have presious little desk space to begin with and he had aranged the desk top so we had even less. I have to do my schoolwork on that desk, I need all the space I can get. And so I told him the adjustments we could make to get back the room. And then I procedeed to make the changes. He got upset. I'm sure I hurt his feeling because he worked so hard, but honestly I wasn't trying to. And then he started bitching. Saying I'm anel retentive. Going on and on about how he likes to make things look good, and I ruin that by actully wanting things to be functinal. Well he didn't say it exactly that way, but that's what I got out of it. It drives me nuts, he'll arange things so yes, they look good, but its a bitch to work with.

I was all upset because my wishes mean so little to him, I spend more time at the desk then him, I actully use it for my school. A desk is a tool and not a show piece, especially our desk which is a POS. While I'm fuming he's bitching about how I never throw things away. He throws everything away. No matter how important. I was sick and tired of his bitching at me, his sarcastic comments directed at me, all of it. In my frusteration I kicked an empty soda box into the stove. Now for the record was not directed at him. It didn't go near him. There was no way it even could have gone near him. I wasn't trying to hurt him, I just felt like venting, so I kicked a box.

He yelled at me what was I doing. I anwserd simply, I was getting mad. He jumped up from the papers he was sorting (throwing away I should say) and yelled "You want to get mad?" And rammed the chair in to my leg. (Whats with him and ramming chairs?) This time it wasn't the soft padded computer chair. It was one of our wooden dining table chairs.

It took him awhile to even notice I was crying. When he tried to approach me I told him to just get the hell away from me. I said I didn't try to hurt him, so why would he hurt me. He said he didn't, he said he stoped the chair before it hit me. That I was over reacting. After the bruise appered, it was a little harder to refute the claims. I think I got fucked in the mean boyfriend department. His I'm sorrys seem so hollow. And isn't he sapposed to bring me gifts and flowers to show me how much he loves me and doesn't mean to hurt me. I am totaly missing the honeymoon stage in the cycle.

10:42 p.m. - 09-19-01
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