damik's Diaryland Diary

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So, is it me?

I don't know if it's because I forgot my meds today, or some other reason, but I wasn't doing so good today. Escapisam major. I wanted to hop into my car and drive home, retreat into my room and let life pass by for a while. I'm feeling overwhelmed, like it's just all too much. I wish I could explain it.
We went for a hike-ish today, out to a river so their dog could play. Burn off some energy and the like. It was beautiful. I swear that I'd been there before, but they couldn't remember taking me. I don't know it was like a place from a dream, maybe it was. It was like when we walked into the ritual last night, I got that whole I swear I've done this before feeling. Except it wasn't, it was different. I felt like I had been there before, but not that I was doing the same thing over and over. Does that make any sence?
I guess by now it's been ninty-one days and some odd hours. And I'm thinking about it again. It's so much easier at this time, it's long sleave weather. I doubt anyone would wonder even for a minut. It's a slippery slope. I have been forgetting to take my meds untill later in the day, but I still take it, haven't missed it yet, could this be a side affect, or am I just falling again?
The hike was beautiful, like I said, something out of a water color. It seemed old and friendly. It was raining and the trail was soggy, the fall leaves were still in full color on the ground. Low clouds hung on the nearby mountians. All life should be that beautiful. Won't find a place like that in Utah, I'll tell you. If you did they'd cut it down, or fence it off. This whole place seems old and quaint. Utah they demolish the old and replace it with newer and better. It's like anything old isn't worth maintaining. We have "historic" Sandy and "historic" Murray, but that barily covers a square block together. It's like the state doesn't have any real history. It's all just a facad.
Being away reminds me why I want to get out of the state, being away reminds me how much I want to be home with Trevor, too. I don't know, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying time with my family, it's been to far between, but, I wish he was here to share it with. Today on the hike I was thinking how much Trevor would have enjoyed it. He was missed.
And I miss some one warm in the bed. Some one safe and secure.
One a totally unrealated topic, my father shaved his mustach, first time in the 21 years of my life I've seen him with out it. Freaky.

10:25 p.m. - 12-22-02
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