damik's Diaryland Diary

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30 and counting

Oh, happy month to me! I was just reading a comment, when I glanced upon my cutting counter and noticed about three hours ago it turned over to thirty days with out cutting. The time flew by where I hardly noticed it. Not that the desire is gone. I've wanted to hurt myself. There at times when I wanted to cut so bad, when I wondered if there would be any relief without it. When the desire to ruin the healing flesh seemed overwhelming. Crouched in the corner, on the couch, or huddled on the floor, begging the desire to go away, just go away. Crying. Fearing that I wouldn't be strong enough to resist. Reminding myself that little t-shirts didn't look good with bloody arms. And they were my reward for resistance.
No, they weren't easy thirty days. I just didn't think I was anywhere near there. Just one day at a time, I told myself. Just one day at a time, Danie.
I feel like it's a good mile-stone. One worth celebrating. Because I can look back at each blow that knocked me down and rejoice that I didn't knock myself down further.

12:01 a.m. - 06-17-02
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