damik's Diaryland Diary

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A toast to the father

I felt myself peaking. It's strange that it seems I can be happy for only so long before I tumble. Before I begin to hate myself again, before I curse God for my very existence.
Can it be only a brief stumble? Can I find my footing again, and be right with myself?
I went to brunch with my mom and Jack for father's day today. Seeing as I can only call my dad, not actually do any thing, like go to dinner or something. I did call him and chat for a while. It hurts, in a way, how less and less we know each other. Will one day life just pass us by and we won't even know each other anymore? My mother said it made Jake's day for me to take him out to brunch. I don't know, in a way it did me good too, kinda like a Daddy patch.
I know at this point in my life it's as much my fault as it is his, I could go out there and visit him as well as he could go out and visit me. And I just childish anyway. I'm an adult I don't need my dad like I'm some sniveling child. Many people just like me get by with the occasional phone call. The monthly how'd ya do's. I'm old enough to get over the starry-eyed idolization of my daddy. I don't have to cry at Father of the Bride just because I'll never mean that much to him.
I know, I'm sick. I need help.
I am the reason I never want to have kids.
So happy father's day to all you father's out there. Jarod, Daddy, Jake, Adam, Dr. Tom....

Always be the best father you can be.

10:42 p.m. - 06-16-02
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