damik's Diaryland Diary

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When you're gone

I'm going to have seven years of bad luck.
I got home from my river trip on Tuesday I didn't sleep so well because I got so sunburned there was no position that was comfortable. It hurt so much. Wensday mornding I was exhausted and a wreck. Will's company sent him to Florida for repair work and I slept in later then I wanted. I had brought the Co. van home the night before because Trevor was supposed to give me a ride and he forgot about me. I was running late and I couldn't find the key to the van, so I trashed the house. I have plastic shelves in the bathroom and I heaved it across the little room. There was a small mirror on top and it shattered. On a good note, I didn't even think at the time to use the shards to cut myself. But now... Nevermind.
I'm flying off the handle lately and it disturbs me. I talked to Dr. Tom some about it and we pondered why. Why it desterbs me, I mean. I used to do this a lot and now not as much. I realized that was why it bothered me. It used to be the course of my life, I was always high strung. Now its not like me to go so over the edge and it bothers me, or something simillar but more cohereant.
I admit that Dr. Tom didn't really help me much on that issue, I guess I didn't stress to him about how much its happing, or something. He said if it was a frequent thing that it might be more concerning, I don't know, maybe it is a frequent thing. I guess it depends on one's personal oppinion of the word.
He went on about what I would say to myself if I was my own best friend and that line of questioning annoyed me. Its really a moot point because I wouldn't be friends with people like me and I wouldn't put up with the behaviors I've been exibiting. In otherwards if I were my friend I wouldn't help the situation.
So its been lonely without Will. I hated having to come home to an empty house. I miss his companionship. All that shit actully.
I still find myself getting depressed. I haven't done my mood tracker for a week now I think so I don't have an accurate score, but I have a guestimate, I've gone a bit lower with out Will, but its more just a constant down. Flatlining.
He's talking about thinking of moving there, going over all the pro's and con't with me. I don't know, I would have to see it myself and get information from people who've lived there. Stacy said when she was in Floridia there were huge scary bugs. I don't like huge scary bugs. He's going to ponder which he likes better when we go to Cali next month.
Sadly we have to postpone our vacation a week. My check is stil not being direct deposited and we don't want to risk not having money while we are there. I hate that TURN is screwing us on that point. Its been I think four pay periods now. Bites my ass.
My stomy is sick. I'm not sure why, but I was thinking that goat cheese may not agree with me. Its the only thing I ate that I havn't eaten before. Or maybe Stonegrounds food wasn't as good as I thought. I think I'm going to crawl in bed and cry now.
Oh wait, before I do that I wanted to speak of ugly breasts and how I've been seeing too many of them now, I guess I'll save that for later.

10:38 p.m. - 07-23-04
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