damik's Diaryland Diary

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I want him to be sure

I look at that ring on my finger, and sometimes I want to cry. We've been through so many rough spots, that sometimes it feels like we're living on sandpaper, but that doesn't mean that I don't love him and he me. But it's a promise that's never been fulfilled, and I'm afraid it will never be. As the months go sneaking past to years, as the love songs remind me that if he truly wanted forever tomorrow wouldn't be soon enough, the ring taunts me. It reminds me that there was once he would take that vow, but that time has past, and he's not sure of me anymore.
I don't want to trap him into a marriage he doesn't want. I don't want him to regret spending the rest of his life with me. He still introduces me as his fianc�, and I just want to laugh. He's never going to marry me. He's lying to people we've just met. The ring is a lie to ever stranger who sees it.
I want him to be sure, too. I want no hesitation, I want him to know with out a doubt. And if the freedom to experience other women is what he needs, I will give it to him now.

10:03 p.m. - 05-26-02
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