damik's Diaryland Diary

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Breakdown

Trevor and I had a big fight on Friday. He thinks I'm a lazy and pathetic bitch. Worthless. He thinks I'm worthless. I apologized, but I don't think he was sorry at all. He throws at me all the time that I don't do enough. That I don't help him enough. That I'm lazy. I admit we have different priorities in life. He'll do the dishes, mop the floor, and vacuum the whole house, but go to work without taking a shower and wearing the same thing that he wore the day before. While I'll shower first. House work isn't the first priority in my life.
And he tells me how lazy he thinks I am every time we fight. It hurts me, he says other things, too he thinks he's so much better then me. He thinks that I'm worthless. I apologized, and he didn't. But I had told him that I didn't stay in the relationship. That I wanted it to be over. And I really, really, did. But the next day we acted like nothing had changed. And we can continue to act like nothing has changed, but there in lies the problem. Nothing has changed. He had promised to be better. He had promised to treat me better. But nothing has changed I had believed with rose-colored glasses that he was as good as his word. but he is not. He just says what will shut me up. What will make me feel better at the time.
And so he went out dancing last night. I have told him that I don't care if he goes out with his friends and has fun, as long as it's something that I haven't wanted to do that he won't do. He won't go dancing with me. He did once, to see another friend, not to go dancing with me. But he will go dancing with complete strangers, not me. It hurts. I can imagine him dancing close, touching her. Wishing he was dating her not me.

10:48 a.m. - 03-03-02
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