damik's Diaryland Diary

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Not even unwell, I'm ADD

I'm at a loss for words, everything I come up with seems insufficant. I'm still angry, I'm not sure this is the sort of thing I'm supposed to have put behind me by now or what.
Ok, the story goes like this, after UNI they didn't set me up with any follow up, no psychiatrists, no number to call them at except the crises number. Nothing. They gave me a perscription and sent me on my way. So I set up an appointment with one on my provider list. The appointment was yesterday.
Any how, I filled out some and Will helped me do the rest of the novel that was his paperwork. I go in and sit for almost forty-five minuts of slience for him to read through the reems of paper. Finally he gets through and starts questioning me, dumb questions, dumb implacations. He implied that Will and I can't have a good relationship because I feel lonely at times. More questions bla bla bla. then he askes me what of anything my therepist my have diagnosed me with. I responded with my usual flat tone I get with the subject that he had said something about Borderline personallity. The Doc starts to go in how he might be wrong, how Borderline is over dignosed and thats probably not me. I perked up and was interested because I hate having been thrown into that catergory. I'm not that manipulative. Ok, sure I did have that period of time when I let the guys use me like tissue, but that was more a self-esteem thing.
Anyway, like I was saying he comes out with the whole 'you may not be borderline' thing and well I thought I was going to get something useful. He starts talking about how when BPD came out ADD was actully included in the catagory so bla bla. At this point I'm thinking how does this apply? He concludes that I'm probably ADD. Yes, that was his big exciting insightful revelation. I'm not borderline, BPD is a throw away catagory, I'm ADD.
OK, I inform him that I had been diagnosed with ADD twice. Once in elementry and again when I was nineteen and trying to do the whole college thing. He'd already gone over what my primary concern was and what I hoped to accomplish with his help, no where had I mentioned ADD. It doesn't really concern me. Its one of thoes non-issues. One of thoes things that if it really is anything at all, its not anything big enough to concern me. I was there to get my meds monitored and the suicidal thoughts in check.
He goes on, as excited as a boy who got Christmas early, about how he's going to get me on Retlin, bla bla bla other ADD drug options. I sit there dumbfounded listening to him go on. Then he concludes when he gets me regulated on Retlin I most likely won't need antidepressants any more. So apperently I'm not depressed, I'm just ADD. Good to know.
As I leave I'm confronted with the goofy pay a precent on top of the co-pay thing, and that was the final straw. I would never go there again.

9:21 a.m. - 10-21-03
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