damik's Diaryland Diary

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I Hate That Girl in the Mirror

I was the girl I hate being this morning. I was jealous. Trevor came home and told me a story about how he another co-worker and Jessica went to get the keys for the other co-worker.
I must admit I missed the entire content of the story because I was stuck on the part where he went somewhere with Jessica. I hate his spending time with her. I hate the familiarity in which he calls her "Jess". I hate that she hurt him and yet he still wants to be friends with her. I hate that he will trust some one he's known to be backstabbing and conniving and he won't trust me.
I hate that he's still attracted to her. And I hate the person I've become because of it. Maybe I care too much. He seems willing to risk everything for, as Rod Stewart put it, a moment of glory. Maybe I'm just putting more importance in this relationship then he is.
I'm fat but I'm not ugly. There are other people that would be interested in me. Why do I cling on so tightly to someone who doesn't want me? Why do I keep thinking that it will get better, when he doesn't care enough about our relationship to stop hanging around Jessica?
I really don't want it to be over. But he's going to slam the last few nails in the coffin soon enough.

12:04 p.m. - 03-06-02
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