damik's Diaryland Diary

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The battle starts today

Fuck, anything but the battle I'm waging. Any other imagery and I could have wandered happily down the path for a while. It�s easier and it hurts less. It�s simpler to roll over and not fight. I don't want to fight the battle; I don't think life should be a battle. Any other phrase, its like he still thinks I'm strong despite what I did, what I have done. It only matters if the strength is there I should honor it right? Its a reason to keep fighting.
So its time to throw on the pants and start the game again. Tomorrow would have been 90 days, so what? Monday June 30th will be 10 days. Tomorrow at 11:30ish, I will have gone one day, and sometimes that�s a long time. I look at where I've been to remind myself that I can do it, not to punish myself that I've fallen short.
I will continue to wage the battle, and be stronger for it. One day I will win. I am not a failure because today wasn't it.
And I won't do it alone, I will call my doctor, I will not hang up this time, and I will tell him. Asking for help is not weakness. I will not lose myself to a prescription drug. And I don't always know what's best for me.

3:33 p.m. - 06-19-03
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