damik's Diaryland Diary

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You know what I should do

I wonder if I could be an actual writer. Publishing articals in magazines and newspapers. Writing books. If I have talents worth showcasing to the rest of the world.
Thats what I really want, something worth passing on. And I suppose thats why spend so much time recording my thoughts in notebooks and computers, I hope someday something brillint and stirring will seep out and maybe I'll move someone.
You know what I should do? I should chronical the times. It truely is ever changing and a wonder to look back, see where we've been and where we're going.
But, I don't know, it's like for so long now my heart, my mind has been consumed in so much turmoil. doubt, and self-loathing. It's why I haven't noticed life.
It's why I regrete losing so many seasons to depression. I look back and my whole childhood is marked by darkness and self-injury. I lost my wonder years, what is supposed to be the best years of my life.
I can no longer afford to lose today to depression. And I can't look bacy and say why. I have to live for today.

9:30 p.m. - 11-09-02
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