damik's Diaryland Diary

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I need a story

Is it just me, or do books stores fill other people with longing, too?
Reading the backs where the critics use words like raw and riveting. Powerful, a dark look, a touching story of triumph. I want mine to be a touching story of triumph.
But I don�t really have a story.
Dr. Tom said something in our session today about experiencing life vs. spending it locked in the closet. I told him it was funny he would say closet, but apparently he�d forgotten all the times I�d told him of being punished by being isolated in the closet. I hate the dark, but if I get sad enough, I�ll still sometimes crawl into the closet to cry.
Now this is an important issue to me, I need to know if I�m a freak or not.
I�m still afraid of Bloody Mary.
I will not look in a mirror in the dark. If I do look in the mirror in the dark unavoidably Bloody Mary comes to mind. Then I have to turn on the light in a blind, panicked frenzy. I am actually terrified of her. True panic. I�m not sure if it�s that she�ll claw my eyes out, or however the urban legend goes. But I�m scared of her.
Ghosts have always scared me. Whether it�s stories that my co-workers tell, or the disembodied cry from the fire place at my mother�s house. I will never admit this to Trevor, but, when we watch ghost movies, if he�s not going to bed with me that night, I�ll sleep with the light on.
Now my question is am I to old for this? Is it immature for me to be afraid of darkened mirrors, my mother�s fireplace, and movies? Do I let my imagination run away from me? And how long does it take for Lortab to kick in?

11:11 p.m. - 07-17-02
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