damik's Diaryland Diary

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Its an empty one

So I sit here and think. I haven't eaten anything but burritos today. I've thought about dinner, but I'm not really that hungery I could see how long I can go without eating. I'm by myself now, no one would notice. And the excuses would be easy. Who would actully know that I hadn't already eaten?
I'm fighting, and I don't know what part of me is actully winning, but I know this urge is growing stronger. And my will to fight is faltering.
Which one is actully a victory.
I mean I do know. I need to be strong for myself. Starving isn't strength. But it feels like a hollow victory. Even if I chose a healthy meal instead of skipping it all together sometimes it still feels like a loss.
I always felt he would have loved me more, loved me enough had I still been skinny.
I know I am lost on this issue, I know that the happiness I perceive in skinniness is as empty as my stomach.
It's my Mobey.
I just need to not let it kill me.
Starving isn't beautiful. I don't want to be such a girl about these matters. I should take it like a man and hit the gym.

11:15 p.m. - 03-15-03
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