damik's Diaryland Diary

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I hate me again

I am such a freak. I know everyone goes through this, and I know I shouldn't be all obsessive about it. I want the guy who I'll let hurt me to call. I sit here childishly thiking what I did wrong. I listened so many times when Trevor used to complain about some girl not calling him back, be properly understanding, but privatly not really. Now I do. Did I act to needy? Did I let things go to far? Should I have let them go further?
Shall I just believe what I've always believed, and thats that I'm just not attractive enough? He was drinking, I could be sure that come sobriaty he realized what a mistake I am.
Forget the fact that it hasn't even been two days. Forget the fact that he does have a life.
I want to kill that whiney fuck'n voice in the back of my head who pops in with "Why doesn't he want me in his life." I try to shut her up with reason. He doesn't know me well enough, I think. "Why doesn't he want to get to know me?" she shoots back.
I'm not going to win this. I just let my pathetic side take over again.

4:25 p.m. - 03-16-03
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