damik's Diaryland Diary

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Can I save myself?

I know I should "snap out" of this. Whenever I go through this, whenever I look back, I always regret losing a part of my life to depression. Seasons gone by, lost in darkness. Days, weeks, months abandoned to despair. I will regret losing tomorrow as much as I regret losing today.
I'm 21 most people look back at this time in their lives and remember how much fun they had. I don't want to look back and think I can't really remember it, but I know it was dark and I was alone.
But how can I let someone in? The last person I truly let into my life now thinks I'm a failure. Now sees my weaknesses and shortcomings as just that. He wanted to be a hero; he wanted to rescue me from myself. When it became apparent that he couldn't, he set his sights on a new damsel in distress, Jessica.
I knew I didn't need a hero, I knew that from the beginning, and I wasn't being fair to him letting him charge in and try to be one. I have to rescue myself. I have to find within myself strength, beauty, and purpose.
I only wish I knew where to look.
I want a hero, every little girl dreams of her white night charging forth to save her from whatever demon is keeping her from her life. And he is ever much the hero I'd want for my fantasy, but, he can't kill my demons, because they are me. He can't save me from myself. He can only make it easier for me to save myself.
But I'm not sure that�s the hero he wants to be. Not as much action in that one.

2:56 p.m. - 04-27-02
3 comments

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