damik's Diaryland Diary
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Slip sliding away
I royally snapped at Trevor today, he forgot his keys when I dropped him off at work today, so I had to go all the way back to drop them off for him. I was still in my pj's and I hadn't brushed my hair or anything so I totally didn't want to go into the store, the idea was absolutly mortafying... I had thought he would maybe not be waiting, but at least check out for me once or twice. I sat in the car for almost eight minutes waiting, dreading having to go into the store. Now, I have to admit I worked myself up some, so I was livid when I entered the store. As I feared absolutly everyone saw me. Trevor says they didn't even notice I was in jammies, but if they saw me that was bad enough. But I did over react. And if I hadn't forgotten my phone in the first place it would have never been an issue. So from now on when I drop Trevor off at work, I'm bringing along my phone.
I tried to get a costume today, I can't find what I want. I'm getting discoraged, I'm not going to the work party uncostumed, but I'm not going to make the mistake of being to revealing like I did last year. I just want a nice, respectable wench costume that fits, is that too much to ask? I think I just going to have to settle for something else, damnit, I had my heart set on it too...
I find myself slipping again. I'm tring to keep upbeat, but the darkness is so overwhelming. What I would give for just a month of feeling happy. The cuts on my wrist have healed over, the scabs have come and gone, And I start thinking that its like a clean canvas, I could start again. I could start again. I will fight it, I have to fight it.
I was thinking that maybe I didn't push myself as hard as I thought I did, I'm not near as sore as I expected to be. But my legs ached as I was doing to day's program, so maybe I did. I had to force myself to go today, though, not that I didn't want to do it, but because I put it off untill it was so late that whiney side of me was saying just forget it. But I didn't gimp out!
11:19 p.m. - 10-25-01
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older entries: When. I called when! - 11:27 p.m. , 10-07-13 Intrusive - 3:31 p.m. , 09-12-13 It isn't working today. - 2:21 p.m. , 09-09-13 Sleep, SI, Stress, and Pain, yeah, I hit them all. - 4:46 p.m. , 08-09-13 I hate this game. I don't want to play anymore. - 2:59 p.m. , 05-29-13 |
