damik's Diaryland Diary

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I blame the media

Do you ever wonder at how delicate everything is? How easily it could all fall apart. How quickly you could lose it all. Or am I Just morbit how often I think about it? I watch them as they are sleeping, and poke them more then often. I have to make sure, I have to know that I haven't lost them. All of them, the hampsters, the cats, even Trevor. Or should I say especially Trevor. I lay my head on his chest to feel his breathing. If I haven't heard from him in a while I start to worry, panick even. Every accedent I hear of I worry that it's him, and how I could go on without him.
It seems like the media is forcing me to take a look at certian hard decisions. Heroic measurs and such. I've already stated that I wish to be an organ doner if I can. I think they know that I want to be cremated. But the most important thing we've never talked about. I never want to be in a persistant vegitive state. It is not a hard decision really, all I want is to be of some use in my lifetime. I don't want to be kept suspended on hope that's not there. When I do die and ame cremated I don't want anyone to keep the ashes, I want to be scattered to the winds. And I don't want any monuments errected in my name, no grave stone, no marble plaque. A tree maybe, that would be nice. It's not that I don't want something left behind for people to remember me by, I just want them to let me go. Please no black at my funeral, to tears or long and wordy speaches. No funeral really. The Irish have it right with the whole wake thing, a loud party exchanging happy memories. Celebrate my life don't mourn my death. Celebrate my life because, God know, I didn't celebrate it enough.
When I was a child I said I didn't believe in forever, but I do now. And I know death isn't the end, it's just a gateway to another state of being. I don't know if I'll acomplish all that I had set out to do in this lifetime, but I know I'm here to help people, and I hope I've found the right path.

10:39 p.m. - 11-18-02
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