damik's Diaryland Diary

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a woman of inaction

Ok, so its not happening, I'm a woman of inaction. I just can't do it. I can't end it. I can say I want to, I can even go as far as to look for a new apt., but when it comes to the actuall leaving. The actuall ending of the relationship, I just can't do it. I look in to his baby blue eyes. I see the hurt that I'm causing by saying its over, by saying I give up, and I just can't do it. I say 'Ok, lets give it another go.' even though I can't believe that it will get any better. I don't know why I'm so spineless. I don't know why I can't do what might be in the best intrest of me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to make this desision.

I've been here before, I have been where I needed to make a desision. Then it was my mom or my dad, now its to stay or to go. I didn't make the desision at all, I let the desision be made for me, and to this day I regreat it. I'm afraid I'm doing the same thing again. I don't know why I'm so weak.

12:49 p.m. - 06-28-2001
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