damik's Diaryland Diary

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Starting over again, again

I think 0 hurts a lot more because I got this far, because I went this long. So right now I have one cut across my arm. And I don't want to cut anymore but I don't want to hurt this deaply. And I can't have both. So I will cut some more. And I will hate myself for it. But not till tomorrow. I feel so lonely and so wrong. I hate myself already, but not for anything I've done to myself. I try to hold myself together. Five more cuts and then I'll talk to him. I'll be a bitch and I'll wake him up and I'll talk to him. Just a few comforting words to pep me up before I do this.
I'm a fuck up.
I'm a hurtful hateful bitch.
I screw everything up.
I'm worthless.
He deserves better.
I've been bringing him down from day one.
I should have known better.
I don't want to be the one he snaps at when he's frusterated but he's told me that its because I'm there. So the only way is to not be there anymore.

10:16 p.m. - 04-15-05
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