damik's Diaryland Diary

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Longing for the 24 hour father

I know it's not right, but I'm not sure I can help it... I'm jealous, I'm jealous of Adam's kids, his little girls.
I read about the father daughter dance with something of a longing. A deep wish, a stark reminder of how much I had wanted, needed my father in my life.
I was a Daddy's girl. For a month out of the year.
At the time I thought it was the greatest betrayal, him leaving us and moving to California, where we couldn't even be his weekend children.
Logically I know it was in his best interest. I know he didn't abandon us. And that he was thinking about us as well as himself. But, the little girl in me still morns the loss of her daddy, and is still angry and confused about why he took himself away.
And she's the one who's jealous, or am I confusing it with longing? For a 24 hour father, for all those daddy/daughter dances we didn't go to together.
Does my father look back to with regret? Is he sorry for all the little things he missed? Or was that month out of the year enough for him?

2:06 p.m. - 05-03-02
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