damik's Diaryland Diary

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Nice Day, And for everyone who had a question in my box

It was a nice day today. I wish Trevor would have more Wednesday off, so we could spend the day together. It's give and take I guess... The price of getting to spend the day with him is Jessica getting to spend the night with him. But I have chosen not to let it bother me. As Billy Joel would say "It's a matter of trust." And if this relationship is going to last I have to trust him. Also if I'm going to stop driving myself crazy and giving myself an ulcer I have to learn to trust him again. And that's starting tonight.
I have been doing much better with the cutting. I've resisted many temptations. Haven't had to reset my counter in over a month. It's the longest I've gone in a while. Maybe soon I'll be able to remove the blade from my planner without sensing it's absence.
I guess I've been getting some mixed responses from my banner ad... Some people seem to think it's in poor taste, to say the lest, to advertise with my cutting. I hadn't thought much about it at the time, but I guess I can how some people may see it that way. Well here we go one of my most direct speeches to reader's, (Except plea's for guestbook signing, and I haven't done that in probably a year)
Ahem...*clears thought* A few points about my diary and it's contents. My advertising, and anything else.
Point one:
Advertising Now I understand that most d*land users aren't business majors, myself included. But I did take a class in marketing and did learn a little of advertising. For those of you who do not know the point of an ad is to target certain people to your product, mine being my diary. I have used many different banner ads appealing to many different people, and I was interested to see how many people would be attracted to that ad. I must note it did attract more people then any of the other ads I've run, so I would say that it was effective.
So for the person who asked: I'm trying to figure out how advertising your obsession with self mutilation helps anyone, especially yourself. Explanation? [email protected]
Now, I wouldn't classify my SI an obsession anymore then I would classify another person's smoking an obsession, but I guess that's just a matter of point of view... But I didn't place the advertisement to help anyone, I placed it to get people to visit my site, and it worked, You visited.
Point two: The cutting counter
Now some one asks me: why do you have on your diary a clock going on how long its been since you�ve last cut yourself... who's attention are you trying to get?
I thought It went with out saying that the cutting counter wasn't an attention seeking device. But I guess it doesn't. So I'm saying it now, the cutting counter is not an attention-seeking device. The only such device I've used is my ad (see above). That just gets you here, if once here you don't like my writing I truly doubt that the counter is going to hold you in such suspense that you come back over and over just to see if I've cut. So why does a person trying to quit smoking keep track of how long it's been since they have had a cigarette? Why does the dieter track how much food they've eaten, or not eaten? Why does AA hand out those token that say some one has been sober for a month, six months, what have you? I want to know I'm making progress, there was a time I went two years w/o cutting, there was a time I couldn't go two days with out cutting, it's just my way of keeping track. Before I would put a notch in my arm for each day I went with out cutting but that kind of defeated the purpose...
Point three: (don't worry this is the last one)
My diary in general Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everyone who reads, and especially everyone who has added my to their favorites, but I would write this diary if no one ever read my diary. It's my outlet for thoughts that I would never share with people I know. I don't write for the reader, well I wrote this for you readers, but that's splitting hairs, anyway. I write it for me. I enjoy feedback; I love opinions and advice though usually I don't follow it. But I don't like people questioning my motives, and I almost resent people I've never met thinking that something I worked on for quite some time (the counter) was created for them when it wasn't. This is my space. I've planted my flag and I've clamed this site in the name of Damik. I thank everyone for visiting, but it's my home what I've put here is for me.

10:28 p.m. - 03-20-02
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