damik's Diaryland Diary

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She sees me as more, too

I went to my mother's today, I wanted help with my application for a job I'm looking into. We spent most of the time chatting though, she assured me I could do it, and told me she would help me fine tune the finished product.
We talked about sex. Love that. My mother is a huge Dr. Phil fan and apperently some show he had about girls and sex touched a nerve. She appoligised to me for never having "The Talk" with me. For never telling me that I was special and that I deserve better. For not teaching me I'm worth more. It was like she could see where I am now, and how much I'm struggling.
I couldn't tell her how I'm stuck believing what I believe and that I don't know if her telling me that would make a difference. Maybe it does. Maybe at this new bottom I've hit, hearing that I'm worth more... I felt it, I felt it last night, and thats why it hurt so much, because I knew I didn't deserve what I was doing to myself. I knew that I deserved better.

8:22 p.m. - 04-18-03
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