damik's Diaryland Diary

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I figured it out

I totally figured out what was going on, well not totally, but I figured out the trigger. It was that whole emotional triggar thing. On the 21st of January. Now that I've realized what it is I can just tell myself to grow up and get past it. It was long enough ago that I don't have to torture myself now with it.
Honestly I am feeling so much better today. And I'm sure tomorrow will follow suit and I'll be on an upswing again.
Though I don't think I should reffer to it as an upswing, though, because it implies that I'll swing back down.
It's always darkest, they say.
More then I enjoy the control I get from cutting, burning, not eating, or anyother form of selfinjury I enjoy the control of saying I made it through. I passed...
I should just think of it as a test of strength, a test of will.
Still hasn't really snowed yet. Least not while I've been here. Started wondering if that ment that there wasn't a God this year. Then I thouht how silly that is, because it snowed throughout my road trip. There and back.
I just haven't had the chance to stand outside in the falling snow, head up, listening to the flakes screaming. It's a beautiful sound when you hear it.

2:01 p.m. - 01-27-03
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