damik's Diaryland Diary

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So what does it say about me?

Ok, I got licked by a complete stranger today. It's really my fault, I hadn't intended to even go to the Tav. tonight, I was just going to go home and go to bed, but I went anyway. I was talking to a nice guy, I hate myself for not remembering his name, and I think it's too late to ask him, but anyhow, we were playing analize Danie's doodles, as the bar was closing and I was gathering my stuff to leave I felt someone put his arms around my sholders and lick my jaw. It was the strangest thing I'd ever experenced. I know it was just because he was extremly drunk, he mooned the bar as he left, then laid down in the street. He also exposed himself, and yelled come on's to the guy I was talking to in the first place. I hope he remembers everything he did tonight.
The guy who's name escapes me, I'm just going to ask him when I see him, was actully pretty spot on with his analisis, more then I'd like to admit. Like he said I was waiting for someone to swoop down and sweep me off my feet, and I want to thing that I'm not, so I argued it, but truth be told he's right. I'm still waiting for my hero, I'm still not my hero. The only thing I really didn't agree with was his saying that I see the world as cartoonish, because I doodle cartoons, I doodle cartoons because they are the only thing I can draw. But other then that, more then I'd like to admit.
Colin came in at like quarter to. He was with a girl, who I take to be from his school, but, I could be wrong. Said hi to me, and talked for a minute to Scott (the owner) and to they guy I was sitting with and left. So I'm just hoping he didn't leave on account of me. That anything we've done hasn't made him uncomfortable about being at the same bar as me, with someone else. I would hate that, and I would stop going, it was his place first.
Actully no, I don't think I would, and I don't think I should care if he did leave because of me. We both knew where we stood, it was friendship, sure we fucked, but if he made something more out of it. If he found reason to be uncomfortable around me, its his fault not mine. If he left on account of me it was a stupid reason to leave.
I'm being so stupid with guys, I think at this point, it wouldn't really matter if he had a pulse so long as he made me feel like I'm worth something. I hate me.

12:27 a.m. - 03-21-03
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