damik's Diaryland Diary

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Drop Dr. Mark?

Well meeting two with Dr. Mark. I don't think I like him much. I'm still not being entirely forthcomming with him. Something about him bothers me, and it's not just because his eyes are so close together. (Though I do find that rather distracting.) I think it's his little speaches. Mostly he intrupts me when I'm talking, I'm saying stuff that I think is important and he brakes in with so analogy about pillars or spokes. I find myself toneing him out. Trevor wants me to quit, too. Though it seems like he wants me to quit and not find some one else.
Dr. Mark doesn't even seem to be focasing on what I persieve as a problem, he keeps focasing on things that are just none issues to me. Like spirituality, he seems to mention spirituality quite often. To have a happy relationship we both must be spiritual, to have a full and well rounded life I must be spiritual, to contuniue his services I must listen to how important it is to be spiritual. I don't know why but it bothers me. It's not that I'm not spiritual. I have some belief in God and an afterlife. It's that fear that has kept me alive so long. I just feel like it's a comfort item. Like a teddy bear or blankie or tuna melt. Something you wrap yourself in to feel secure, not something that is a defining point of happiness or a good relationship.
And his words, he keeps using these words that I can only define as "buzz words" or something simmular. "Now remember these words." "These words are an important staple for a balanced stable relationship." "If you focas on these five words for the rest of your life you will be a happy, chipper, well rounded, lovable person." Well not exactlly what he said, but like I said, I stoped listening. I just don't think that mental heath can be broken down to "five spokes". I don't believe that the secret of a happy relationship lies solely in "four pillars". If it can be broken down and made so easy, they why do they have to waste so much time in school? I think he gives me these words so he can spend more time talking then I do.
So, I think I've made up my mind. I think I'll be droping Dr. Mark. Though I don't know now if I should pick up a new person or not. I'm torn, really I am. With the financial situation we are in now is the worst time, but on the other hand I fear now may be the only time. I'm not getting better, I don't hold out much hope that I will, not on my own, not now. I need a life line to keep me a flote. And it can't be Trevor, all that has succeded to do is for me to pull him down with me. I can't do that any more. This was the only option I could see. On my own I don't think I could last the winter.

10:30 p.m. - 11-07-01
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