damik's Diaryland Diary

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Will it always be this way?

I want to shake the loneliness, but I just can't, I think I need to have friendships out side Trevor. I'm actually looking forward to my session with Dr. Tom tomorrow, because even though I'm paying him to do so, he seems to care...
I want to feel like this life is real, I want this emptiness to be gone, I feel so worthless.
I want to believe that life can get better. Touch me, let me feel what's real.
I can't make it better. I don't know why it's here, why I'm feeling this way. I feel so desperate.
I want to believe it will be better.
I went to his work with him today while he ordered, I talked with his co-workers, I wish I had friends of my own I could tell how I feel, I could lean on, I could cry, and I could feel like they care.
You know last time I felt this way I tried to talk to Frank, but he didn't care, he told me flat out he didn't care.
I have Trevor, he cares. But I feel so alone.
I have a brand new razor in my pocket; I don't know how much longer I can leave it unopened. It wasn't that long ago that the desire wasn't even there, that I didn�t care that much. But now it's ever-present. I can't make it go away.

11:05 p.m. - 04-22-02
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